A Word to Adult Children and Dear Friends

It is not uncommon for your parent or loved one to be overwhelmed by a move to a senior community or smaller home. For many, this move represents a loss of independence and is another signal that they are growing older and less independent. Your loved one may become angry, sullen and distant, resentful, or depressed. Or all of these at different times throughout the move. Yet you see this move as essential for their health and safety. And of course, you still have all the demands of your life, your work, and your family too.

Some Helpful Hints

Concentrate on the big picture. Senior moves are stressful for the entire family and the parent’s support network, including neighbors, church community, and friends. Adult children often begin, or have just started, to accept new responsibilities from their parents. Neighbors and church groups may have been providing meals, “taxi services”, and even medication monitoring for seniors who are now not able to do for themselves. And to make matters more stressful, conflicts between siblings can arise over “who gets what”, or “whose job it is” to do certain things. And nobody has packed a single box yet.

Some of this is natural and settles out over time. But we would offer the single most important thing to do over the course of the move: Do your best to balance these three things – Caring for your parent or friend; Taking care of yourself; and keeping your family together.

Time – The Critical Component

Nobody has enough time these days. Between work, family, community obligations, and hopefully a little personal time, there just aren’t enough hours in the day. So take stock of how much time and energy you have to devote to your loved one’s move and spend it where it’s most valuable.  

The sorting process is a wonderful opportunity to hear the stories of a parent’s life as they choose the things they will take and what they won’t. If you can break these sessions into 3-4 hours each and spread them over a period of time, both your parent and you can benefit enormously. Bonds can be renewed and parents can be reassured that the things they can no longer do are in good hands.

If that is not possible, try to spend the time that you have sorting those things that are especially precious, such as photos or keepsakes, and delegate the rest of the sorting to someone else.

Money

We all worry about it and never want to waste it. But for some, hiring a senior move manager to plan, organize, pack and unpack frees you to be with your parent or loved one during this time. Instead of worrying about when you’ll be able to pack, move, and unpack all this stuff, you can use the time you have to be with your parent. It can not only reassure your loved one that things will be OK, but also you might be able to spend time together doing things you enjoy and renewing bonds. Even if this time together isn’t 100% joyful, at least your back and your legs won’t be aching at the end of it.

And sometimes a third party can ask the questions, recommend solutions, or simply make some of the tough decisions easier. Let OPS be your guide and helper throughout this process.